Steve Dimeck


Finding the right divorce lawyer for your divorce is more than just blindly pointing your finger at the first family law advertisement you see in the yellow pages. If you have a lot to lose, common sense tells that it is necessary to pick a divorce lawyer who has experience and reputation of settling intricate cases that involve assets, property, custody, etc.

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your case can be one of the most important decisions when considering a divorce. The stress that divorce battles bring to parents can be truly remarkable. Your divorce lawyer will either add to your frustration or ease the pain. Here are a few tips to consider when looking for a divorce lawyer.

Fees – Lawyers charge a lot, don’t they? Yes, they go to a very lengthy and a difficult schooling, which at the end is worth a lot. Many people try to hire divorce lawyers that charge less for their services. On the total opposite, some people with a sizeable income would hire expensive or renowned lawyers. The assumption here is that high-priced lawyers can do a better job representing your case. This claim has never been verified. For example, a costly lawyer may have few wins in court, whereas a somewhat new divorce lawyer may have an excellent winning track record. So, during your initial consultation with your prospective divorce lawyer it is vital that you have an open and an honest discussion about the fees and what you can expect. But, the fees need not to be the determining factor in the final decision of who would represent your case.

Experience and expertise – Experience is one very important factor in choosing your divorce lawyer. Additionally, it’s necessary for that lawyer to practice primarily in the field of divorce law. In some cases, people will hire a lawyer who practices outside this field, thinking that any lawyer will do. An experienced divorce lawyer will know the tendencies of the various judges in your jurisdiction and will be able to use this knowledge to your advantage.

Testimonials – One of the best ways to determine which divorce lawyer would be good for your divorce is to learn what former clients have to say about a particular lawyer. Don’t be afraid to ask around. If you do not know of anyone who has been a client of that particular divorce lawyer, at your initial appointment don’t be shy to ask your prospective lawyer for a list of past clients. While client confidentiality is very important, any “good” and experienced divorce lawyer would not be hiding anything and would have at least a few satisfied former clients who would be willing to vouch for him or her.

Accessibility and the “Likeable” element – It is extremely important that your divorce lawyer is easily accessible and prompt in responding to your phone calls, emails, and requests. Or, you’re going to get nothing but frustration. While you would care to ask for the lawyer’s office policy, don’t forget to ask the lawyer’s past clients if that particular lawyer was responsible enough to maintain an easy system of communication. And last but not least, do YOU personally like that particular divorce attorney? Do you feel comfortable talking to that lawyer, and are you confident in his or her abilities? If the answer is anything other than a definite “yes,” you need to keep looking. Your case is too important to entrust to someone who does not inspire your confidence. If you don’t like that particular lawyer for some reason and don’t feel comfortable talking to him or her, there might be other people (like the judges) that may not like that person for the same reason that you do, which may cause you to lose the case.

Disclaimer: The author and publisher of this article have done their best to give you useful, informative and accurate information. This article does not represent nor replace the legal advice you need to get from a lawyer, or other professional if the content of the article involves an issue you are facing. Laws vary from state-to-state and change from time-to-time. Always consult with a qualified professional before making any decisions about the issues described in this article. Thank you.

J B


My GFs ex-husband lives in Mexico. They are divorced legally in Mexico even though he did it illegaly. That is the problem because if we get married and she tries to become a citizen they will say how is it possible you got divorced from someone while you were in this country. So my question is how do you divorce someone with out them being there? If he doesn’t sign papers or doesn’t come to court how is it possible to get a divorce?

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A Lady


I am going through a contested divorce and need a lawyer. My case goes up on 9/26. I have money, just not a lot of it. However, If anyone could tell me the names of some of the best lawyers in town I would greatly appreciate it. THANKS!!
I know about the yellow pages, google, and all of those other search engines. But I want people to give names of best lawyers based on there own experience. THANKS!!

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Yahoo Answer Angel


What is not valid about that question in the politics section?

Can people be as derogatory as they like to President Bush, but asking a legit question about homosexuality gets banned? What’s that all about?
Thanks fraginal

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Dr. Barry Bricklin and Dr. Gail Elliot


 

 

       

 

The Bribed or Manipulated Child: Handling Your Child Custody Case  in 2008 Barry Bricklin, Ph.D. and Gail Elliot, Ph.D.

 

Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com

 One of the saddest and most frustrating situations occurs when a child has been bribed or manipulated to turn against one of the parents. The child might previously have had a wonderful relationship with the so-called “target parent.” Manipulations can range from very subtle, like the parent who looks sad and distressed when the child goes off to visit the other parent, right on through the entire spectrum to the other extreme, where the parent actively damns and condemns the target parent. The parent will say things like, “It’s all his fault; he deserted us,” right on through to saying that the target parent has all kinds of drug problems or alcohol problems or that he or she left us to run off with some low-life.

 Unfortunately, subtle forms of bribing or manipulating a child will work as well as the more blatant strategies. In fact, the subtle ways work best, because even a savvy child, who might recognize (and better deal with) blatant alienation, will not recognize more subtle forms. It might be a mother, for example, who says: “Well you know you’re father; he has a drinking problem. He tries, but he really is just an alcoholic.” Or the father who says, “You know your mom; she means well but is just so uptight you can’t have any fun around her.” These kinds of subtle strategies might work every bit as well as the more blatant ones.

 First of all, the target parent must learn to recognize situations that look like a bribed or manipulated child, but in actuality is not. It is frequent for older children, for example, say from twelve years of age and up, to basically want to have one home. It simply is a matter of convenience for them. They want to be around the friends with whom they socialize.

 Also, a child of older years may simply want to switch from where he or she already lives to the other house, based on the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-street. This is the child who believes the “other house” is the place where he or she can stay up later, where there is less discipline, less insistence on cleanliness, less insistence on chores or homework.

 Regardless of the cause of a child’s not wanting to see you, the core skill needed is what we call non-adversary communication. This is a skill which we also teach to businesses. It is a very powerful tool, but very subtle in its power. It will sound simple enough when we run the rules by you, but it will take a little bit of dedicated practice to use it well.

 First, you must see the value in using it. It brings two main benefits. One benefit is that it will make your own communications more powerful. Second, it is tremendously self-therapeutic. It would take us too far off point to explain this fully right here, but the fact is that any piece of “output behavior,” an angry face, tight vocal-cord muscles, a tense body, accesses in you your worst and most fearful memories at an unconscious level, memories of times you felt helpless and scared. You are unwittingly hurting yourself.

 The first principal is that whatever the issue is you are dealing with, you immediately seek a solution.

 This next point is extremely hard for most people to implement. It simply states that you never blame or make the other person wrong, not even in the slightest way. No matter how angry, hurt, or vindictive you feel, you do not use a time where some problem needs a solution to air your anger. There are not only blatant ways of making the other person wrong e.g., “You idiot! You never understand anything!” There are also subtle ways. The use of the word “but” is subtly making the other person wrong. If you tell me your position, and if I answer you, even in a very gentle and warm voice, with a phrase that starts with the word “but,” you know that shortly thereafter I am going to make your position “wrong.”

 Suppose one of my children says to me: “You always talk to me in a loud voice.”

 Suppose I answer: “But honey, it is so hard to get your attention.”

 The third point is to learn to not give more than one (short) explanation of your own position. To do so is not only strategically ineffective, but self-damaging. When you spend a lot of motor-output time trying to justify your position, that is, trying to get the other person to accept the wisdom of your explanation, you are accessing in yourself, at an unconscious level, all of the memories of when you felt helpless, vulnerable, misunderstood and “on the carpet.” Here are some brief examples of non-adversary statements. Instead of saying “You’re late every time you drop Mary off,” (making the other person wrong), say: “What can we do to make drop-offs and pick-ups work better for all of us?”

 We absolutely know your thinking at this point: “You don’t know my ex. He wants to hurt me! He doesn’t care about solving anything!” We know this might very well be true. But what you don’t know, and we do, is the subtle, cumulative power of the strategies we want to share with you. Give us a chance. Master them, and try them before judging how you think they will work. Further, our purpose here is to teach you how to use these skills with your children, especially those from whom you may have been alienated.

 This skill of non-adversarial communication is necessary to make most of the other strategies that you might use work better. It is an amazingly powerful tool when used the ways we will describe. It is so subtle that the other person might not even consciously know you are using it. But it definitely moves people off of aggressive or hostile positions. Here are some other examples. Take the, child who complains the parent speaks too loudly.

 The parent might respond to such an accusation with: “You may be right. Help me to find better ways to get your full attention.” Now, since the child has no position to bother defending (which would have been the case had the parent said, “You don’t pay attention,” to which the child would have said, “Yes, I do,” and the conversation would go nowhere), the child can begin wondering what options the parent may have to get his or her attention without yelling. As long as anyone has to defend a position, no creative thinking goes on. As soon as you make someone wrong, all they will do is endlessly explain to you why they’re not; we are genetically engineered, one might say to “defend our territory.” It is an almost irresistible urge.

 The final strategy, but one which we recommend you do not use until you have thoroughly tried the others is to seek help through the legal system. This is something you definitely would like to avoid, unless there are no other options available. You will have to initiate these steps through your attorney. There are two important pieces of information you may need, since not all attorneys are aware of the mental health options that may be available and not all options will be available in every state.

Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com

 Authors:

Dr. Barry Bricklin is a psychologist in private practice, Adjunct Associate Professor at Widener University and has previously served on the faculty of Jefferson University and of Hahnneman University. He is past president of the Philadelphia Society for Personality Assessment and the Philadelphia Society of Clinical Psychologists. He has authored books and articles many topics related to custody evaluations. For over 25 years, Dr. Bricklin has developed various data-based approaches to the decisions which must be made when parents divorce. He is the Chair of the Executive Operating Committee of the Professional Academy of Custody Evaluators (PACE).

 Dr. Gail Elliot is Head, Child Development and Family Processes Research, Bricklin Associates, the Vice Chair of the Professional Academy of Custody Evaluators and a psychologist in private practice. She has served as a consultant to public and private schools and coordinated multidisciplinary treatment plans. She has authored and researched numerous works related to custody evaluation.

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Dr. Bricklin and Dr. Elliot are nationally-known child custody experts. They have written many publications offering help and guidance for mothers, fathers, and grandparents involved in child custody issues.  Their publications can be found at http://www.custodylibrary.com